Ask A Guy: Forgive A Cheater?

Ask A Guy - is a little segment we like to do 'round here. We're not doctors or therapists, we've just been guys for quite sometime now. And there really is no replacement for experience. So if you have anything you'd like a guy's opinion on, hit me at 2ThatGuyJR@gmail.com. Now...

Let's get into it

I'm 23 and I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and known him almost two. I've never cheated or once thought about being with another man. We made plans to get married and maybe have kids one day. As recently as a month ago he starts acting strange picking fights with me and things. I suspected him of cheating on me because of his behavior--sexually he would be more aggressive when he used to gentle.

He admitted to his wrong doing, but expects me to forgive him and trust him as if it never happened. Why do men think women are suppose to forgive and forget that easily? What makes a man want to gamble on a good thing when there is a possibility he can lose it all? Am I wrong for not wanting to forgive him? I mean I do in time, but it hurts.

Sincerely,
A Shattered Soul

I never like to brand people. I don't believe the "once a cheater, always a cheater" mantra. Some people will stray again, some people won't. These things must be judged on an individual basis and you know this individual better than most people. Do you sincerely believe he won't do this again? If the answer is "yes", another shot may be in order. If the answer is "no" or "I don't know"...you should step.

As for why he would risk losing a good thing? Well, it takes maturity and porn to resist the allure of new sex. He's most likely lacking one or the other. I'll give you a hint: He's got porn.

The change in sexual style is something you definitely need to address should you decide to stay. Do you dislike more aggressive sex? Was he trying to play out a fantasy with the other woman that he felt he couldn't play out with you? I'm not saying that is justification, but it would certainly provide you with some understanding (we know how you ladies love to know/understand what we're thinking). It will be asinine to talk about your wedding and children without addressing what you both need physically.

As to why he expects you to forgive him so easily? I can't answer that. My guess is that you are probably a sweet girl who is generally good-natured and quick to forgive. He probably thought you'd be the same way about his infidelity. Plus, generally speaking, more women take back cheating men than men take back cheating women. As an odds game, he's got a good shot. Hell you ended your letter to me by saying you'll probably forgive him in time.

Let the pain subside and see how sincere he really is in his attempts to get you back. Then make your decision from there.

Peace, Love and Mended Hearts,

J (preston)

PS - I always found the mindstate of men who've been cheated on versus women who've been cheated on utterly fascinating.

For women it's: Did you love her

For men it's: Did you fuck him? / Was it good? / Did you like it? etc...

But that's another post for another day...I suppose