Are You A Possessive Ex-Lover?

Ok...what the hell is up with people being so damn possessive over "former" significant others? More and more I hear and see people getting mad about this silly ass shit as if they have some sort of personal claim over another human being, and because you were once in a relationship no one else is supposed to ever tread those grounds again out of respect for you. If that's not the most laughable thing I've ever heard in my life I don't know what is.

I've got guy friends mad because their child's mother has a new beau, I've got female friends mad at other females they were acquaintances with because 13 years later this chick decided to date their 8th grade crush. And we all know how it goes when after a fresh break up one party skips that dreaded mourning phase and just moves the hell on, the other person goes into a complete uproar, mad as hell because, SOME PERSON THEY ARE NO LONGER CONNECTED TO HAS STARTED DOING SOMETHING NEW THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM!

These grown individuals become the most infantile people on the planet.

One of my friends was genuinely upset because his child's mother moved on and started dating and had a baby with another guy, his words were:

"That's some bullshit, that shit makes me look bad. Now she walking around pregnant and people are saying 'Hey look that's ______ baby mother'"

At the end of that conversation there was absolutely no way possible for me to be anymore confused than at that very moment.

Here's my question: When the hell did everything become about you? I can understand why your relationships keep failing if you have a mentality that abides this silly ass notion that no one on earth should be dating your ex. Come out of your wintery world of stupidity and get off the perpetual victim train, if your ex wasn't shit why do you care that he or she is now "not being shit" with someone else?

Even if your ex was a decent person, if you guys didn't work out for whatever reasons, then why put so much effort into worrying about the relationship happenings of someone that you are no longer in a relationship with? You can't control it and you can't do anything about who he or she decides to date, screw, love, etc. If you want to go through a long drawn out mourning over the fact that your 18 month relationship didn't make it to 2 years then by all means do that dumb shit, but please kill all the stupid angry conversations that begin like this:

"We haven't even been broken up a month and he/she got the nerve to be kissing somebody in the mouth by the bar in K Street Lounge?! I didn't even know WE were going out with other people!"

Look the fact of the matter is this, if we are no longer in a relationship with each other then I am no longer responsible for caring about what you think or how you feel. If I am single I have just as much right to do what I want with who I want as any other single person on the face of the free world. So don't text me telling me I'm disrespecting you just because we happen to be in the same club one night and you saw me grinding on some young woman, or you and your friends stalked my Instagram and got upset because you saw pics of me and a new lady at a restaurant. It's my life and I have every right to do what I want with it. I've never been upset about anything an ex of mine did after becoming my ex, my philosophy on the subject is simple: If you aint my girl then sooner or later you'll be someone else's, who am I to stand in the way of progress?

Possession is 9/10 of the law, or so they say, so if you're not even in my possession anymore (for lack of a more creative phrase) then I really have nothing to say/complain about. The shit is simple; worry about yourself, mind your business, and get on with your life. You can only control you, why waste your time on the utterly impossible? Readers, have you ever dealt with or know of people in similar situations, let me know in the comments. Let's get some discussion and healing going!

Heed the warning signs, possessive people tend to have alot of the same traits when in relationships.

1. Does your girlfriend feel lonely any and every time you're not around?
2. Does your boyfriend tend to want to show up unexpectedly whenever you go out with out him, even when you just go out with the girls?
3. Does your girlfriend get pissed anytime you want to go out or take trips with just the fellas?
4. Does your boyfriend like to tell you how to dress or complain about your outfit if you get too much attention even if it's not really revealing?
5. Does your girlfriend get defensive anytime any other woman acts as if she knows you well?
6. Do your significant others go through your things whenever you're not around? Your drawers, emails, phones, instant messages, social network private messages?

If you have these kinds of issues then you more than likely have an overly possessive person on your hands, and it's very likely that the person also deals with varying levels of insecurity (which I will dive into in another post). Good news is some possessive people can be reeled in, reassured and eventually will relax. Other people, not so much, personally I can't deal with micromanagement of this caliber, however, like anything else in a relationship either you can deal with it or you cannot. Your choice.