In this day and age all you ever here is females complaining how their exes ain’t ish and how this dude and dat dude is a deadbeat dad. At least that’s the image that is portrayed on Facebook. It's true sometimes -- I don't dispute it. I see it too. I have friends who have kids scattered all over the globe that they barely take the time to talk to, so it does exist.
What isn’t told, however, is the other side of that spectrum. I know even more men who get denied the chance to be in their kids lives like they should simply because they had the audacity to move on from the mom. It’s like there is a conspiracy that exists that punishes guys who are good fathers who just so happen to desire something different than what they had with their bm’s. Ok... conspiracy might be a bit of a strong word but lets look at the facts of the matter starting with me.
I KNOW that I have always been a good father to my son -- from raising him his whole life to providing for him to the point he doesn’t know what it’s like to need for anything. I have been separated from his mom since 2008 and yet I still have to deal with drama from her in 2012. This negative energy, not because of my son, but because I moved on and am much happier without her. She basically hasn’t worked for my six year old's sons entire life and somehow this is my fault and I am getting dragged to court for custody because her welfare is dependent upon her having physical custody. So I finally go back to California to deal with the charade of a court case just for them to grant her custody of the child that she cannot even take care of that I have been taking care of by myself the past year, simply because I have a criminal record. Not once did they weigh any pertinent facts in assessing me as a father, once again my criminal record spoke for me. I don’t have anything on my record to suggest that I am an unfit father, I just don’t deal with so called "authority figures" how they would like me to -- and I believe in taking care of my responsibilities instead of making excuses and blaming the system.
Do you know what it feels like for someone who really shouldn’t have any say in my family matters to tell you that they feel he is better with his unemployed welfare dependent mom than me simply because I have a past.
Some arbitrary stranger has a say in YOUR family matters and tells you that your child is better off with his unemployed welfare-dependent mother than his dad who knows him, loves him, and raised him...that's what happened. And it destroys me.
I feel that the courts are totally disregarding what’s in the best interest of the child and the child’s wishes. And they tell me that I can talk to him for ten minutes three nights a week until the custody case is finished. Then to add insult to injury they also want me to pay child support to the state because she refuses to get off welfare. She has used welfare as a crutch ever since we split up even though I have had custody of him a majority of the time. She somehow was able to collect welfare for all the time that he wasn’t in her house while I was paying cash money for his every need. Not to mention getting up and taking him to school every day, doing his homework with him, and making sure he was on a good path in life.
I’m not saying that his mom doesn’t love him but let’s be honest how willing would she be to have custody of him if her rent money didn’t depend on it. I know I’m not the only guy that goes through this either. We live in a world where the lazy and unmotivated are rewarded for their mediocrity while the people who strive for greatness and punished and expected to pay for it. I have met every challenge that fatherhood has presented for me and what do I get in return? To talk to the only person who ever made me strive to be a better man ten minutes at a time 3 nights a week. I have to hear him talk about how he wants to come home with me knowing that I’m not even sure when I will be able to grant those wishes. They say the system is always gonna favor the mom and I personally would like to know why that is. There is no rule or law of nature that says because someone has a vagina they are better suited at raising a child. There is a difference in every situation and I think there should be a pragmatic approach that thinks outside the box instead of automatically favoring the mother. I could go on and on about this topic but it only is gonna make me more angry knowing what I am already dealing with.
I KNOW that I have always been a good father to my son -- from raising him his whole life to providing for him to the point he doesn’t know what it’s like to need for anything. I have been separated from his mom since 2008 and yet I still have to deal with drama from her in 2012. This negative energy, not because of my son, but because I moved on and am much happier without her. She basically hasn’t worked for my six year old's sons entire life and somehow this is my fault and I am getting dragged to court for custody because her welfare is dependent upon her having physical custody. So I finally go back to California to deal with the charade of a court case just for them to grant her custody of the child that she cannot even take care of that I have been taking care of by myself the past year, simply because I have a criminal record. Not once did they weigh any pertinent facts in assessing me as a father, once again my criminal record spoke for me. I don’t have anything on my record to suggest that I am an unfit father, I just don’t deal with so called "authority figures" how they would like me to -- and I believe in taking care of my responsibilities instead of making excuses and blaming the system.
Some arbitrary stranger has a say in YOUR family matters and tells you that your child is better off with his unemployed welfare-dependent mother than his dad who knows him, loves him, and raised him...that's what happened. And it destroys me.
I feel that the courts are totally disregarding what’s in the best interest of the child and the child’s wishes. And they tell me that I can talk to him for ten minutes three nights a week until the custody case is finished. Then to add insult to injury they also want me to pay child support to the state because she refuses to get off welfare. She has used welfare as a crutch ever since we split up even though I have had custody of him a majority of the time. She somehow was able to collect welfare for all the time that he wasn’t in her house while I was paying cash money for his every need. Not to mention getting up and taking him to school every day, doing his homework with him, and making sure he was on a good path in life.
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