10. Put your headphones on:This works perfectly! You sitting on the couch she start arguing with you about a chic that was in your @ mentions on twitter calling you fine and what not. You didn’t do nothing but say “thank you” but that was too much for your lady. Only problem with this one is that you have to have some headphones nearby. If you are like me you can keep a small pair of the earbuds in multiple places in the house where your lady argues with you the most. Living room, bedroom, kitchen and bathroom are the top places according to a study proven by scientists. As soon as she start asking questions just grab your headphones, plug them into your phone, iPad, Laptop (whichever is the closest) and turn on your favorite song. You can even start saying some of the lyrics. Even if you don’t have anything to plug the headphones into just act like they are plugged into a device and start rapping/singing the first song that comes to your head.
9. Say “Were you talking to me this whole time?”:This one works great as well. Especially if there is anyone else in the room like the dog or the kids or something. Let her talk for at least 5 minutes and then look at her and say “Where you talking to me this whole time?”. You have to say it like you didn't realize she was talking to you though. Confused look on your face + saying this will work every time bro.
8. Search the channel guide on your TV:I've personally done this one numerous times. As soon as she starts arguing with you just grab the remote and start searching the guide. This takes the attention off of you and puts it on the guide on the TV. She might run across something she wants to watch like “Real Housewives of ________) and ask you to turn it there. This has now taken the attention away from you and put it on some dumb ass show that’s on the TV. Once she gets her mind sucked into that then you can just leave the room and hope that the argument stops right there.
7. Get up, go to the kitchen and make yourself a sandwich:Why? Because sandwiches. Sandwiches can end any quarrel. No I didn't say make her one. I said make yourself a sandwich. When you start eating the sandwich anything she is talking about at the moment will go away. Yeah she still may be talking about it but you won’t hear it because you are enjoying the greatness of the sandwich you just created. It usually takes a good 5 minutes to make a sandwich (a good sandwich) and another 5-7 minutes to eat it. That’s 12 minutes you have taken away from hearing her argue about getting poked by some chic on Facebook. While you are eating the sandwich you are most likely making sounds because the sandwich is so good that she will think it’s you agreeing with her and she we will walk away.
6. Look at your phone and laugh:This really works. When she starts arguing with you about 2 minutes in grab your phone, look at it and laugh. At this point she will think you got a text message from another woman or were looking on Facebook/Twitter and saw something that made you laugh from another woman. Either way you’ll be in the clear in the no time.
5. Get up and go use the bathroom:As soon as she brings up the DM/Facebook/text message you got from that chic that you didn’t answer just get up and go to the bathroom. You gotta hold your stomach to make it look like you have to do a number 2. Why a number 2 you ask? Because you can spend anywhere from 5-15 minutes in the bathroom and she will probably either forget about the argument or go upstairs and go to sleep. Either way you don’t have to worry about answering a question that you have no answer to.
4. Say “My mom was right about you”:This is a sure fire way to end the argument. Just wait until there is enough space for you to say something (this may be hard thing to do seeing how women never stop talking) but if you can get at least a 15 second gap, try this.
3. Ask her “You making dinner tonight or nah?”:This one will only work if you don’t smell any food aroma in the air. Again you will have to wait for at least a 5-7 second pause in her scolding but when you get that drop this line in there and you are golden. It will most likely make her think about food and the fact that the oven was off when you arrived home from work that day and it turns all the blame back to her. In turn she will realize that her talking to you about whatever “important” issue that she has to talk about which probably is as important as catching the next episode of Love and Hip-Hop can wait until after she has begun to prepare the meal she should have started before you got home that night.
2. Receive a fake phone call and answer it:Fake phone calls have ended arguments since the days of the dinosaur. Just as she is getting to the point of her argument (usually 15-10 minutes) just pick up your phone and fake answer it. For this to work full proof you will have to walk to another room or outside. Just act like you are talking to someone for about 10 minutes and return back to the room like nothing happened. When she asks who that was just reply with “my friend”. This leaves room for her to think it may be a male or a female.
1. Power up the XBOX or Playstation:Since the days of Atari men have always went the game system route. What this allows is for her to be out of your face and for you to yell and scream obscenities at whatever game you are playing. Usually for this you always want to make sure you have a game system close by and the controller. Works really well for PS3/PS4 because you can turn the system on without even getting up by just clicking on the PS button. You may have to change the input on the TV but that’s nothing but a remote reach away. Make sure you have a game preloaded into the game system to avoid having to get up and put one in.
Like I said...Trust me. All of these work ...sometimes. Try one out, leave a comment letting us know how it worked out for you. I’m pretty sure you will be happy with the results. You know I’d never steer your wrong. I’m just here to help you get through the day.